Forever Fallacies

Places change
Places grow
We know that

People change
People move
We respect that

Thoughts change
Feelings change
We acknowledge that

Yet something must be constant
Something must last forever
We crave that

If that something doesn't last
We assume it failed
And believe that

A season is changing
We savor that
A relationship ending
We regret that?

We choose to burden the most precious of feelings with "forever" expectations
We turn the most successful moments into failed "forevers"
We turn away from the present if it has no "forever" guarantees.
And from the distance the fallacy called "forever" laughs at us.

Love and Let Love

In face of a sudden disability or life threatening illnesses, we often find the sturdiest of relationships struggle and even end.
A third person looking at the picture from the outside wonders:
"How could she leave him just after he had a stroke? " How could he leave her when she was fighting cancer?"

On examining the story closely , it often appears that the illness doesn't make the healthy partner stop loving the ailing one.
When you promise someone you will love them to the end .. you usually do.

It is often the ill partner that finds it very difficult to accept that love.... confusing it with sympathy, feeling a sense of inadequacy, depreciation of self worth...all in all felling hurt instead of feeling loved. The anger at the illness is misdirected at the partner.
If you're the healthy partner and you find you inadvertently hurt someone you love all the time, you can only do it so much..... you leave.

I admit this is not the only reason why relationships fail when facing death and disability.....But this particular problem does beg the question.." If someone promises to love you saying- "Till death do us part".. then shouldn't you promise to "LET" that someone love you...no matter what?

There is often no lack of love..just lack of "let love"

The Quack Aisle

If you've watched the movie Idiocracy (2006)and thought it was exaggerative- you need a current day reality check. If you didn't watch the movie..watch it !.
Whether humans over years get smarter or dumber, the buyers and the sellers should evolve together. The present day advertising strategies do make you wonder... Does the marketing industry really think the consumers are getting dumber?

Your shampoo has vitamins and antioxidants..Ever wonder why ? What next? "The Wholesome Breakfast Cereal -Great to eat and great to shampoo with?"
Your mineral water is oxygen enriched. Buying that is brilliant but only if you are a fish. Next time get a pair of gills free from the accessories isle.
The fried chips and ice-cream you bought are "zero cholesterol"? Good news ..they're all zero cholesterol .. Hope you also look for "Lead free milk-from the unleaded udder"

Advertisers, here's a suggestion. Say something like... "This can of coke will help you lose weight" with a fine print reading " drink it, place the can over your head and run a mile with it"
At least it's honest !

The Other Scarlet Letter

Would you have his eyes, be as tall,
With the air around you envied by all?
Would you sing like him, get the words all wrong
Undaunted though, just hum along?

You’d be smart I know
And strong and free..
For there’s a part of you
That would come from me..

Would you love with all your heart
Like he loved your mother?
Would you have the same courage
And stand by your lover?

If you were born, your story you’d have to tell
Would it be one of love, or one of blame?
Would you tell it with pride or gulp words in shame?
If I had courage I’d hear it, but it remains unsaid.

Sans Expectation

If I were writing a relationship column like Carrie Bradshaw for Sex and the City.. here's how it would go.

Flat fact- Expectations make and break relationships.
Quest: Can there be then a relationship without expectations?

The expectations of relationships we are born into are easier to figure out. Dad provides the roof over your head, mom brings a wholesome meal to the table, you share and squabble with your sibling....The tags "mom" "dad" "brother" are already there.
As you grow up some of these relationships evolve. Mom may become your friend...but Mom as a friend is still mom.
The expectation of the assigned relationship comes first. If you have a brother, you had to prove a "Brother" first, and then perhaps become "Best Friend" " advisor" whatever..
If your brother doesn't meet your expectations of a brother, you wouldn't become "just friends" or " partners." You would become, "Brothers that didn't get along"

(Ok I agree this part is way far more insightful to liken to Carrie Bradshaw..so lets try again)

The relationships we choose later in life are more complex because they involve choices.
We tag our acquaintances- Friend, Partner, Colleague, Lover, Companion, Spouse and so on.
We create these labels as we think appropriate for the person, then attach our own expectations to the labels and then hope they are met...
Whether you believe the connection is synaptic or spiritual..its still quite random...quite funny if you think about it.

Picture that in you are hiring for a movie that's in your head. You stop a woman walking by and you say to her " I believe you're Janet"
and right after, you follow it up with " Great ...now prove to me you're Janet... and you really can dance"

If Janet can dance, the expectation proves reasonable, the tag was right and the attempt successful... a successful hire..a successful relationship.
What if Janet can't take up your expectation challenge? Is it because..
You tagged the wrong girl and she wasn't Janet at all?
Your assumption that Janet is a good dancer was wrong?
Janet doesn't care about your stupid idea?
And if you didn't have a preset expectation..might you discover she is Jane and Jane actually is a good singer?

Often we don't elucidate expectations of relationships until we become acutely aware that they aren't being met.
We perhaps don't elucidate expectations because we are mostly unaware that we have them.
There is no pre-nup for a non nuptial relationship....There are no "emotions back" guarantees... The fine print is written in invisible ink.

Heartbreaks are unmet expectations..if there were no expectations, there would be no heartbreaks.
A relationship could be tailored down to one of few expectations..But can a relationship sans expectations be a relationship at all?

CB

Just changed her status to "Dead"..

We have assumed you're not truly "in a relationship" when your facebook status says "single". Similarly then you can't be dead till your status says "deceased". Have you thought about who updates your status when you're dead? Its about time someone designs a virtual funeral so all dead people can be truly and completely dead.
Life insurance plans advertise about how they cover funeral costs. Folks often spend to reserve their spots in cemeteries and pick their own designs for their coffins. As our cyber existence today is often larger than the physical one, the concept of a virtual funeral would be a "killer."
Your will and power of attorney may hand over access to your bank accounts, but what about your email and facebook accounts? The virtual funeral experts I'm talking about will specialize in just that.
Think...Can your soul rest in peace if every 5 minutes you're receiving emails about earthly sales events, parties, discounts and more?
These folks will set up your own pre-selected auto reply for your emails " I am out of office till further notice... although if you get that notice you should be really freaked out"
or something like "Can't you see I haven't replied to your last four emails? In my case that usually implies I'm dead"
The funeral experts will also change your facebook status to something more interesting than just "deceased". Like for medics it wont say "dead" it will say "warm and dead"
Or still better you say something like "need lots of prayers folks..keeping my fingers crossed for heaven" and then few hours later your status will change to " Heaven it is!!.. here I come!..Just ran into Michael Jackson" followed by lots of thumbs up in "likes" and comments like "Please upload the pics soon" Now THAT will lay your soul to rest.
"Thanks to the heavenly Xanax, my soul now rests in peace"

You're the price I paid

You were all I ever wanted
Everything I ever sought
I loved you very much
Yet not as much as I thought.

You and I would be perfect
We looked like we were meant to be
I would have said 'yes' had you asked me
Yet I prayed you would not.

There was a lot that I wanted
And everything comes for a price
There was something bigger than you or me
And you became my secret sacrifice.