Sans Expectation

If I were writing a relationship column like Carrie Bradshaw for Sex and the City.. here's how it would go.

Flat fact- Expectations make and break relationships.
Quest: Can there be then a relationship without expectations?

The expectations of relationships we are born into are easier to figure out. Dad provides the roof over your head, mom brings a wholesome meal to the table, you share and squabble with your sibling....The tags "mom" "dad" "brother" are already there.
As you grow up some of these relationships evolve. Mom may become your friend...but Mom as a friend is still mom.
The expectation of the assigned relationship comes first. If you have a brother, you had to prove a "Brother" first, and then perhaps become "Best Friend" " advisor" whatever..
If your brother doesn't meet your expectations of a brother, you wouldn't become "just friends" or " partners." You would become, "Brothers that didn't get along"

(Ok I agree this part is way far more insightful to liken to Carrie Bradshaw..so lets try again)

The relationships we choose later in life are more complex because they involve choices.
We tag our acquaintances- Friend, Partner, Colleague, Lover, Companion, Spouse and so on.
We create these labels as we think appropriate for the person, then attach our own expectations to the labels and then hope they are met...
Whether you believe the connection is synaptic or spiritual..its still quite random...quite funny if you think about it.

Picture that in you are hiring for a movie that's in your head. You stop a woman walking by and you say to her " I believe you're Janet"
and right after, you follow it up with " Great ...now prove to me you're Janet... and you really can dance"

If Janet can dance, the expectation proves reasonable, the tag was right and the attempt successful... a successful hire..a successful relationship.
What if Janet can't take up your expectation challenge? Is it because..
You tagged the wrong girl and she wasn't Janet at all?
Your assumption that Janet is a good dancer was wrong?
Janet doesn't care about your stupid idea?
And if you didn't have a preset expectation..might you discover she is Jane and Jane actually is a good singer?

Often we don't elucidate expectations of relationships until we become acutely aware that they aren't being met.
We perhaps don't elucidate expectations because we are mostly unaware that we have them.
There is no pre-nup for a non nuptial relationship....There are no "emotions back" guarantees... The fine print is written in invisible ink.

Heartbreaks are unmet expectations..if there were no expectations, there would be no heartbreaks.
A relationship could be tailored down to one of few expectations..But can a relationship sans expectations be a relationship at all?

CB